Thursday, May 22, 2014

What's going on...

....ORRRRR what's not going on.  I've been a bad blogger these last few months, and I promise there's a reason.  It's not a good one.  In fact, it's a really crappy reason.  I hate to be a Debbie Downer, but I try to keep things real around here.  So here's the deal: for the past 17 months we've been trying to have a baby.  Without any success, obviously.  My free time has been spent at doctors appointments, general moping, way too much Googling and working a second, part-time job to help cover these medical expenses.  {Side note: don't get a part-time job at your favorite clothing retailer.  You'll spend all of your paycheck, and then some.}

But, really.  I've struggled for months if I wanted to share this not-so-fun detail of our life.  No one wants to read about that stuff.  Except for me.  And other women who might be walking that same, dark path.  This blog documents our life.  And whether I like it or not, this is a big part of our life right now.

At the beginning of 2013, we decided we wanted to start a family.  I didn't think it would happen immediately and I knew it could take some time.  After all, some of my best friends struggled with infertility, and I saw their difficult journey.  So we threw caution to the wind and said "what happens, happens."

Fast forward 10 months, I was at my yearly visit, and it was NOT happening.  I brought it up to my doctor and she decided to do some blood work.  Lo and behold, I wasn't ovulating.  She decided to start me on fertility medication.  To be honest, I was pretty excited.  Drugs to make me ovulate?  Surely I'll get pregnant now!  Two months of tears, mood swings and 8 million hot flashes later, I {we...} we over Clomid.  And STILL not pregnant.  My doctor referred us to a specialist at that iconic one year mark.

We went to see the specialist at the end of 2013, he ruled out a few more things and determined that the problem is me.  My body just can't get with the program, on a few levels.  So we start a different fertility medication, with less side effects {yay!} injections, and monthly monitoring via ultrasound. Now, THIS will definitely get me pregnant!  Three months of this routine, I officially felt like a science experiment, and STILL no baby.

That brings us to where we are today.  We're starting a new treatment plan, one that I hope will be the answer to our prayers.  I'm so incredibly thankful for an amazing doctor, who we trust.  Friends who listen to me cry, check in with me often and know exactly how I feel.  Supportive family sweet momma who cries right along with me each month when I find out I'm not pregnant.  My husband!  Oh, this guy--he's come to every appointment, put up with my irrational mood swings and has become a master shot giver ;)

So why share all of this now?  I needed to get it off my chest!  I've prayed day in and day out for 500+ days for God to bless us with a miracle, and I have faith that He will.  It is most certainly in God's hands now.  Actually, it always has been.  If you're a prayin' kind of girl, would you keep us in your prayers?  Please?  We can use all we can get.  And if someone reading this is going through something similar, please know that I pray for you!  It's a very lonely feeling, but know you are SO strong.  Stronger than you think.  Everyone can use this reminder, no matter what season of life you're in.

Let's go ahead and file this one under: "things I never thought I'd blog about..." and let's get back to the fun stuff ;)


  1. Hey girl! We just shared out infertility struggle on the blog a week ago, and I absolutely understand where you're at! We have our infertility appointment next week and I'm actually kind of excited...maybe we'll get some clarity? Who knows! Totally understand and "get" why it feels so good to get it off your chest! Enjoy the love and encouragement that is going to come your way after sharing this {it will blow you away...I know it did for us!} and know that His plan is so incredibly perfect that we cannot even imagine. I don't know you, but I can tell you'll be an incredible mom and that baby will be so so blessed! If you need someone new to yell at, cry with :) feel free to e-mail me!

  2. Praying for you friend! I've missed you in blog-land lately, and I'm glad you shared! xoxo

  3. Thank you for keeping things real. I know there are A LOT of women who will feel encouraged or at least less alone by this post. You are in my prayers!

  4. Praying for you...I have friends who have gone through the same and it is just awful. But you sound like you have an amazing attitude about it. And it's ok to blog about serious stuff sometimes! :) I totally believe in the power of prayer so I think it's good you put it out there.

  5. Thinking of and praying for you! Thanks for sharing your experience, I hope it helps ease the pain just a smidge.

  6. I love 'real' blogs so much more than the Stepford Wife blogs. :) I'll be praying that God will reveal His plan on how children are supposed to join your family to you! It sounds like you're doing a great job of leaving it in His hands!

  7. New follower & definitely praying for you! I will send you an email soon!!

  8. Oh Ashley, I'm so sorry to hear that you and your husband are going through this.
    I hope and pray that this new treatment plan WORKS and that you both will be blessed with that wonderful news.
    Thank you for sharing this :)


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